Lead Authentically Without Crossing the Line

The best executives in the world lead authentically, and yet the authentic leaders who get the most attention tend to be the worst examples. 

Take Tesla CEO Elon Musk, for example. Musk is unapologetically his authentic self, and his tweets are no exception. His comments to the public are often candid, incendiary, and sometimes outrageous. 

As one member of the Twitterverse put it, “The incredible thing about Elon Musk is you hear a tweet cost him $20 million and it’s not immediately obvious which of his tweets it would be.” 

Musk is the poster child for when authenticity in leadership goes wrong: his version of authenticity puts him in the spotlight and his company and employees at risk.

To lead authentically the right way, you want to take a balanced approach to openness, which I’ll describe here, that will leave your team inspired by your honesty but not offended by oversharing. 

Elon Musk is a high-profile example of overly authentic leadership, but I’ve personally experienced the horror of a boss who overshares, too. 

Years ago, I fractured my tailbone. It was painful and frustrating, and the doctor told me it would take weeks, even months, to heal. To minimize that time, I needed to stay off it. “Stand, don’t sit” had to be my mantra. At the time, I was leading a large team in the small business division of a large national bank, and that meant lots of meetings, lots of sitting.

These were the days long before we understood sitting is the new smoking and stand-up desks became standard equipment in executive suites. Not sitting in meetings was going to be noticed, so I reluctantly added this item to my weekly discussion list with my boss. 

In our next one-on-one, I told her, with as little detail as possible, that I would be standing, moving, and calling in to some meetings for a time so I could heal.

She said she understood, and then continued to tell me, in excruciating detail, about the time she broke her tailbone after a particularly amorous night with her husband. I heard all about what they were doing before, during, and after it broke. 

Twenty-five minutes later, I emerged from her office with the mental pictures she’d painted burned into my brain. She didn’t mean to traumatize me with her truth. She was, by any measure, honest and authentic in that conversation. She was trying to connect and make me more comfortable. 

But it went terribly wrong. She way overshared, and it wasn’t for my benefit. Once she began the story, she dove into deep personal disclosure territory, centering the conversation around herself rather than tailoring it to help me.

My boss went wrong by focusing her authenticity on herself, when she should have focused on her team. 

Leaders inspire others to follow their direction and influence change best when they focus on others. Centering on others allows connection and learning. When a leader connects with others authentically and centers on her audience, she can learn more about their motivations, beliefs, and thoughts. That candid connection builds trust and leads to better collaboration. 

When you use authenticity to serve yourself rather than your audience, sharing and authenticity can go wrong. No matter your initial motivation, sharing personal stories in an unbalanced or inappropriate way, with you in the spotlight, is authenticity gone wrong. 

My boss overshared, perhaps because she wanted acceptance, or perhaps because she sought confirmation of herself and her story. Regardless of her reasons, it created distance between us (lots of distance—I avoided small talk with her for months) rather than bringing us closer. Authenticity should serve to draw employees closer, not push them away.

My boss, though misguided, at least had good intentions when she overshared with me. But another common mistake leaders make is using “authenticity” to excuse bad behavior. 

“I’m a straight talker, take me or leave me,” said a client of mine recently. 

“I’m too busy for small talk; when I’m here I like to get stuff done,” said another. 

Those assessments, said privately, are harmless enough. What makes them troublesome in this context is that each statement was made in response to feedback from colleagues; in one case, it was about her brutal frankness and in the other it was about his seeming unwillingness to connect on anything but the task at hand.

“I am who I am” authenticity is usually about staying safe and comfortable. If we respond to feedback by asserting what we did was driven by our authenticity, we are defending our position, not receiving the message.

As you strive to add authenticity to your leadership, take it slow. Authenticity has power, and it can work for or against you. Authenticity done wrong will backfire, and you don’t want to become an Elon Musk, an oversharer, or an excuse-giving jerk who drives their team members away.

Instead, focus on being compassionate, caring, and focused on your team. If you’re thoughtful and balanced in your authenticity, it will build trust and power results.

For more advice on improving your professional performance, find Naked at Work on Amazon.  More coaching is available at Avenue 8 On-Demand, on the topics of Demystifying Executive Presence, Emotional Intelligence, Speech Acts, Managing Emotions at Work, and more.

Danessa Knaupp is an executive coach, CEO, and keynote speaker, shifting the global conversation on leadership. She has coached hundreds of executives across every major industry and has developed a reputation as a candid, compassionate and courageous leadership partner. She is the author of the leadership manual, Naked at Work: A Leader’s Guide to Fearless Authenticity. She regularly addresses C-suite audiences on how to harness the power of real authenticity (not #authenticity) to drive measurable business results. Danessa earned her executive coaching credentials from Georgetown University, is credentialed by the International Coach Federation, and holds a B.A. in Psychology and Sociology from the College of William and Mary. She spent more than 20 years as an entrepreneur and a senior executive, and ultimately, CEO, before founding her coaching practice. Connect with her at danessaknaupp.com.